Related:

• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• HOW GUYS THINK By Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist From The Boston Sunday Globe
  August 20, 1989 Today we're going to explore the mysterious topic of How Guys Think, which has baffled women in general, and the editors of Cosmopolitan magazine in particular, for thousands of years....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• Signs Your New College Roommate is Nuts 10. Walks around campus wearing nothing but a spiral notebook 9.
  He orders Big Macs with extra condoms 8. Whenever you put up a college pennant, he takes it down and eats it 7....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• A nifty, if difficult, practical joke: This only really works with friends (preferably the trusting type).
  Get the victim to your house, then talk (or do whatever you normally do together) for a while....
• REASONS TO STAY STRESSED: * STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT
  Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and, therefore, is probably doing something very crucial....
• THE BIG PIG Received the following communication from Poor Innocent Guy Asa of Montgomery, Alabama
  These should come in handy at work or when frequenting a doctor's office...
• A bartender has a problem with a regular customer who nightly proclaims that he's the baddest ass person around.
  Eventually tiring of this boasting, the bartender says "If you're such a bad ass, then you'll have to prove it to me....