Related:

• EXCUSES ACTUALLY RECEIVED BY SCHOOLS VIA NOTES FROM HOME (This was posted at work.
  I do not know the author/editor. Sorry) * Dear school...
• leeping --- I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
• Man, I had a girl friend and when I took her to the zoo and she saw what an elephant had, she would not go home with me.
• WOMEN SPEAK IN OESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening RELATIONSHIPS
  First of all, a man does not call it a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were doing it on a semi-regular basis....
• What do women and airplanes have in common? They both have cockpits!
  Two plastic surgeons are talking about their recent operations, and one mentions that he grafted tits onto a sailor's back sometime ago....
• THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me.
  ....... A batch of my special hand-print cookies....
• RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS A girl phoned me the other day and said .
  ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over....