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• EXCUSES ACTUALLY RECEIVED BY SCHOOLS VIA NOTES FROM HOME (This was posted at work.
  I do not know the author/editor. Sorry) * Dear school...
• Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (several mispellings of diarrhea crossed out) the shits.
• Q: Did you hear about the Polish man who broke his neck raking leaves? A: He fell out of the tree.
• Stuck on an Island An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation.
  He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life....
• HEADQUARTERS LAST U.S. ARMY APO 001. U.
  S. ARMY AG 4110.99 (DEBCA) 20 September 1944 SUBJECT ...
• Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• An Email Oops! It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
  Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida....