Tim's Dead! And God Only Knows Where Lisa Is! Fortunately Resurrections And Divine Revelations Do Tend To Occur From Time To Time
Creative Answering Machine Messages
Tim's dead! And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs.
Proof By Intimidation ----- -- ------------ A Horse has an infinite number of legs.
A horse has two legs in back and forelegs in front....
THE IRS LETTER... Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1996 Federal Tax return.
Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years....
10. Hot Buttered Elves 9. Santa's Magic Lap 8. Babes in Boyland 7.
Crisco Kringle 6. Yes, Yes, Oh God Yes, Virginia 5....
One Liners If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer....
Not so famous quotes Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
--Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself....
How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.
Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing....
First Date Advice Things Not To Say On A First Date
1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it....
HIS AND HIRSUTISM Hair. Heads up, my fellow male Marchers.
Get ready to temporarily ride the new permanent wave, as yet another panacea for male pattern baldness heads for the marketplace....