A Polish Mother writing a leter to her son
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm
writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast.
You won't know the house when you come home . . we've moved.
About your father . . . he has a lovely new job. He has 500
men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery.
There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in,
but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it,
pulled the chain, and I haven't seen the shirts since.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out
whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt
or uncle.
Your uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in Dublin
Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him, but he fought
them off bravely. We cremated his body, and it took three days to
put out the fire.
Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a
bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer. It kept him going until
New Years Day. I went to the doctor on Thrusday and your father came
with me. The doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not
to open it for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
It only rained twice last week. First for three days, and then
for four days. Monday it was so windy that one of our chickens laid
the same egg four times.
We had a letter yesterday from the undertaker. He said if the
last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother within 7 days, up
she comes.
Your loving mother,
P.S. I was going to send you $10.00 but I had already sealed the
envelope.
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm
writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast.
You won't know the house when you come home . . we've moved.
About your father . . . he has a lovely new job. He has 500
men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery.
There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in,
but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it,
pulled the chain, and I haven't seen the shirts since.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out
whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt
or uncle.
Your uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in Dublin
Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him, but he fought
them off bravely. We cremated his body, and it took three days to
put out the fire.
Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a
bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer. It kept him going until
New Years Day. I went to the doctor on Thrusday and your father came
with me. The doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not
to open it for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
It only rained twice last week. First for three days, and then
for four days. Monday it was so windy that one of our chickens laid
the same egg four times.
We had a letter yesterday from the undertaker. He said if the
last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother within 7 days, up
she comes.
Your loving mother,
P.S. I was going to send you $10.00 but I had already sealed the
envelope.
Related:
- Dear Son,
I am writing this slow, 'cause I know you can't read fast.
There are a few things happening here at home. We don't live where we did when you left -- you're father read in the paper that most car accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.... - A Letter from your mama...
Dear Son:
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.... - A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Daughter
Dear Child
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.... - Here are my categories, with examples (his):
ENGLISH
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.... - LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE
by Kip Adotta
It was Cucumber the Fi
Summer was over. I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled.... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
< -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?... - Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!
looking!funny . Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.... - The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals.... - A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender, "I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.
The bartender says, "Oh come on, pal, we don't serve no gorillas in here....
