10. SHE'S A GOBLIN!
9. I'D LIKE TO GET A LITTLE SOMETHIN IN THE SACK TONIGHT.
8. JUST GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES AND BOB YOUR HEAD.
7. SHE'S GOT A COUPLE OF NICE PUMPKINS ON HER PORCH.
6. IF YOU JUST LICK IT, IT WILL LAST LONGER.
5. LET ME SEE YOUR BIG SACK.
4. CAN I EAT YOUR ZAGNUTS?
3. HAVE YOUR MOM CHECK IT BEFORE YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.
2. YOU SCARED ME STIFF!
1. HE'S GOT CANDY SPREAD OUT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR!
A man gets on a bus with only a nun and the driver. He goes back and
says to the nun that he is going to die soon and he has a final
''I have always wanted to make love with a nun,'' he says.
The nun agrees.
Afterwards, the man says, "I have a confession, I'm not going to die."
The nun says, "That's okay. My name is Jim. I'm on my way to a
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long
time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in
her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a
lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her
husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a
string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
''Yes,'' said the old man. ''If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go
out as a dicktator."
What do you call a ghost's mistake?
What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there
was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took
his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one
hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to
go to the party after all. In as much as her husband did not know what
her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her
husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the
party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance
floor, dancing with every nice girl he could, and copping a little
feel here and a little kiss there. His wife moved on up to him and
being a rather seductive woman herself, he left his partner high and
dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She
let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed,
so off they went to one of the cars and had a little romp. Just before
unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the
costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came
in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old
thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then
she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never
even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and
some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag....OH! You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth...
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
What did the ghost get for Halloween?
What's a witch's favorite subject?
A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring.
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
"My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or
ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1) you have to be single
and 2) you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says, "O.K., pull
into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But
when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes
"My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess. I'm
married and I'm Jewish!"
"That's okay,'' says the nun. ''My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to
a Halloween Party."
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all
decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween.
They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a
costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven
Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be
Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but
he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a
costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg who was in need
of a kickin' Halloween costume. So he wrote to a costume company, who
promptly sent him a bandana and a hook so he could be a pirate.
Outraged that they were making fun of his pegleg, he fired off a
complaint letter. In order to please him, the costume company sent him
a monk's costume saying that it would be perfect for his bald head.
Now outraged that they were making fun of his bald head, the man sent
another angry letter. Soon after, another package arrived in the mail
-- a package of caramel. Attached was a note:
"Stick the pegleg up your ass, dip your head in caramel, and go as a
A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife
had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a
short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.
Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and
see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived,
she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every
hottie in the place, and groping them when he could.
She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he
leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." So the two
costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the
Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped
out and went home before the clock struck twelve.
When he got home she asked, "How was the party? Did you meet any
He replied, ''You know me, dear. I don't have a good time when you're
not with me. I ran into a few friends and we ended up in the basement
playing poker. It wasn't very fun at all. But the guy I loaned my
costume to had the time of his life!"
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomachache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. You have less guilt the next morning.
1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!