Bob: [narrating aloud] Dear "Life in these United States",

Bob: [narrating aloud] Dear "Life in these United States", a funny
thing happened to me...uh...[faints]
Snake: Use a pen, Sideshow Bob.
-- The pen is mightier than the sword -- except when it
runs out of blood, "Cape Feare"

Related:

• A pen is mightier than a sword except it runs out
  of ink...
• The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually,
  the programmer...
• The pen is mightier than the sword;
  and easier to write with...
• Bob: And now [draws his sword] the final curtain...[walks towards Bart] [The boat hits a rock and Bob is sent flying] [Chief Wiggum and other policemen are on shore in their bathrobes] Wiggum:
  [cocks his gun] Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob....
• The pen is mightier than the
  pencil...
• The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short,
  and the pen is very sharp. -- P....
• If you think the pen is mightier than the sword,
  the next time someone pulls out a sword I'd like to...
• The pen is mightier than the sword--so, in these dangerous times,
  I always carry a pen. -- Ashleigh...
• Bart+Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob! Bart: _You_ wrote me those letters.
  Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son. ...