Related:

• on "Bite Back"] Kent: Apu, will you ever stop selling spoiled meat?
  Apu: No -- I mean, yes -- I mean -- uh oh. [sweats] [Apu turns off the TV] I think I come off very well....
• Apu: Ah, my old Squishee machine. And my scum bucket with fly!
  And a whole check list. Woods: Hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't you?...
• You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.
  -- Homer to Apu, "Much Apu About Nothing...
• Woods: Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
  Apu: Oh...oh, Mr. Woods, your -- Woods: But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet....
• Bart+Lisa: Dad, dad! What did you bring? What did you bring?
  Marge: How did it go? Homer: Fine! [looks at Apu] Oh, I mean not good....
• Apu: Oh, hello, Mrs. Homer. I brought an assortment of jerkys.
  Homer: Oh, did you swipe those from work? Apu: Certainly not....
• Man 1: I need one 29-cent stamp. Apu: That's $1.
  85. Man 2: I'll have $2.00 worth of gas, please. Apu...
• Homer: No, don't kill me. I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat!
  I was unaware. I was unaware! [sobs] Apu: Mr....
• Apu: Oh, it's hopeless. Oh, poor Apu. Abe: Hey! The government can't control the sky.
  What if you lived in a balloon? Lisa: That's it!...