Related:

• Commandant: Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the state Supreme Court has determined that forcing cadets to cross the Eliminator is a barbaric and malicious practice.
  Lisa: Yes! Commandant: Hence, you will be the last class to be subjected to it....
• Nurse: [answers phone] Simpson. Grampa: Hot diggity!
  I don't care if it's bad news! Lisa: Oh, Grampa!...
• Commandant: Well, cadets, it's been a great year. You've all worked very hard developing academic skills and general killing skills.
  Bart: [aside to Lisa] My killing teacher says I'm a natural....
• Commandant: Next up ... Simp-son, Lis-a. [the crowd falls silent.
  The cadet leader plays, "Taps." Lisa climbs the ladder to the first platform, as the crowd begins jeering] Lisa...
• Maybe you should just learn to use this. [hands Lisa a whistle] If there's a war, just blow on it, and I'll come help you.
  -- Rangemaster at military school, "The Secret War of Lisa Simpso...
• Lisa: Uhh, excuse me? Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?
  Doris: Possibly the meat loaf. Lisa: Well, I believe you're required to provide a vegetarian alternative....
• Homer: [yelling to be heard] You really did it this time, Bart!
  You're in for the punishment of a lifetime!...
• Lisa: [turning on dryer] There, now no one should be able to hear us.
  Bart: What? Lisa: [turning off dryer] All right, we don't need the dryer....
• Lisa: Hi, Alison, I'm Lisa Simpson. Oh, it's great to finally meet someone who converses above the normal eight-year-old level.
  Alison: Actually, I'm seven. I was just skipped ahead because I was getting bored with the first grade....