Barney: I Always Hoped Bart Would Grow Up Just Like Us.

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Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up just like us. What happened?
Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. The whole modern world's got a
swishifying effect on kids today. And their MTVs and their diet
sodas ain't gonna set 'em straight, neither. You gotta do it
yourself, Homer, and you gotta do it fast.
Homer: But what would turn Bart into a man fast? You have to think for
Moe: Well, let's see now, uh, time was you sent a boy off to war.
Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any
wars no more, thank you very much, Warren Christopher!
Barney: Hey, better yet, Bart could shoot a deer! That's like shooting
a beautiful man.
Moe: Hey, he's right, Homer. After the boy bags a deer, all the diet
sodas in the world won't turn him back. And you just sit right
back and watch the grandchildren roll in.
-- Easy solutions to life-threatening problems,
"Homer's Phobia"