Related:

• If anything I have said offends you, well that's just too bad. :)
• Lisa: Mr. Jefferson, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.
  Jefferson: I know your problem. The Lincoln Memorial was too crowded....
• I don't know if the death penalty ever stopped anyone from killin', but it stops 'em from killin' again.
  -- Elvi...
• If ever I get married again it would have to be under an anaesthetic. -- Marie Tonki
• It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to pon you and yours from bad to worse.
• I know this is an inconvenient time to ask, but did he ever mention anything about source code?
  -- Overheard at funeral...
• No one ever says 'I am a reincarnated shoe salesman from Jersey', or anything.
• I have decided not to oppose anyone ever again, since I have noticed that I always end by resembling my latest enemy.
  -- E.M. Ciora...