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• Live from beautiful Laughlin, Nevada, it's the Miss American Girl Pageant!
  Brought to you my Meryl Streep's Versatility: Smell like Streep for Cheep!...
• Liposuction is permitted, but not as part of the talent competition.
  -- Rule #10 of the Miss America Pageant -- Late Night with David Letterma...
• Instead of the Miss America Pageant I could enter the Miss Neurosis Pageant.
  Among my hobbies are stewing in my own juices and blowing things out of proportion....
• If you ask me, they're all winners! We'll be cutting our first 40 contestants right after this.
  -- Troy McClure hosts the Miss American Girl Pageant, "A Streetcar Named Marge...
• The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
  Albert Einstei...
• Have you noticed how many drivers get real mad if they miss you?
• I am not permitted to enter the prison cell.
• Sometimes we miss happiness by looking too far for things nearby.
• I've never met a nymphomaniac I didn't like.