Related:

• Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
  -- Ambrose Bierce...
• MONSIGNOR, n. A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Honorable, adj. Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.
  In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable...
• Calamity, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.
  Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others....
• HOMESCHOLARING...Our future depends on it!
• Infancy, n.: The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, Heaven lies about us.
  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. -- Ambrose Bierce...