Related:

• REVERENCE, n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest.
  Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians....
• WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
  One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin....
• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...