Related:

• Like you, I am frequently haunted by profound questions related to man's place in the Scheme of Things.
  Here are just a few: Q -- Is there life after death?...
• Don't invest all your money in just one or two stocks.
  That's the danger. I know a man who put all his money in just two stocks, a paper-towel company and a revolving-door outfit....
• The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money.
  True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day....
• Homer: Welcome to the Simpson residence or "casa de Simpson," as I call it.
  Grimes: Yeah, what did you want to see me about, Simpson?...
• Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine.
  -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)...
• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
  --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it....
• Golf, there's a thing that torments you and won't let you enjoy yourself.
  You've got to relax. I got out of this country's worst sand trap with just one stroke....
• Dave: [in a wooden voice] Represented on this next float is Roger Myers Sr.
  who founded his company in 1921, and struck it big when he teamed up a mouse named Itchy with a cat named Scratchy....
• which reminds me of the Carrot family: Ma Carrot, Pa Carrot, and Baby Carrot.
  One fine spring day they decided to go out for a picnic....