Related:

• Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things, with all due respect for their breakfast.
  I wonder why it is that toast always falls on the buttered side," said one....
• He who steals for others ends up being hanged for himself.
• Did he pick the dog up by the ears? No. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
  Picking them up in the air. Where was the dog at this time?...
• George Washington, father of our country. George Washington, when he was just a child, just a boy, honesty was his trademark.
  The classic story we all remember was when George Washington's father came up to George and said, "George Washington--father of our country--my son--I want to ask you a question....
• Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt somebody else.
  He even told you he'd be hurt if..." "He was going to suck my blood!...
• I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5." He said,"What you need is to grow up, son.
  I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old, And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun....
• What do I consider a reasonable person to be? I'd say a reasonable person is one who accepts that we are all human and therefore fallible, and takes that into account when dealing with others.
  Implicit in this definition is the belief that it is the right and the responsibility of each person to live his or her own life as he or she sees fit, to respect this right in others, and to demand the assumption of this responsibility by others....
• When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in a movie theatre, he walked over and whispered, "I'm sorry, sir, but you're allowed only a single seat.
  The man moaned, but did not budge. "Sir," the user said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call a manager....