Related:

• Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa!
  Whoa!" and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!
  Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life....
• To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary.
  I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad....
• If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your ac
  I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much....
• When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it.
  So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her.
  But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them....