Related:

• Krusty: [holding a gun] Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
  Apu: Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery....
• Hey, this is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing, put it down or I'll blow your heads off.
  -- Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart clerk, in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpso...
• Apu (Kwik-E-Mart clerk): "Haven't I seen you on TV somewhere before?
  Homer: "Nah, you have me confused with Fred Flintstone....
• Apu: He is the benevolent and enlightened president and C.
  E.O. of Kwik-E-Mart -- and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart....
• Homer: Ooh, you like sweets, kids? I know a place that's sweeter than sweetness itself.
  In this sweet place, earthly donuts are sour as poison -- you'd spit them out, you would!...
• Woman: Why would you want to work at a Kwik-E-Mart?
  Woods: To be honest, in my upcoming movie I'm going to be playing this tightly-wound convenience store clerk and, I kind of like to research my roles and really get into it....
• Tony, you're my agent. You _have_ to do something about this.
  ...How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character from a convenience store clerk to a jittery eskimo firefighter?...
• Apu: You see, whether igloo hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.
  When I first arrived, you were all such jerks, But now I've come to looooooove your quirks....
• Woods: Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
  Apu: Oh...oh, Mr. Woods, your -- Woods: But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet....