Related:

• Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. -- The Wizard Of Oz
• A woman, who weighed a bulging three hundred pounds, went into a store to buy some shoes.
  She tried on so many she almost drove the poor clerk crazy....
• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• Twas midnight on the ocean, Her children all were orpha
  Not a streetcar was in sight, Except one a tiny tot, So I stepped into a cigar store Who had a home across the way To ask them for a light....
• Lord have mercy, Mrs. Tugwell just had her sixteenth young 'un.
  She said she had so many young 'uns she'd run out of names--to call her husband. -- Minnie Pearl...
• When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise.
  She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder....
• I know a lot of people without brains who do an awful lot of talking.
  -- The Scarecrow, Wizard of Oz...
• Hanson: "This is the third time we've pulled out the captain's chair for Riker.
  He just won't sit down." -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknow...
• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....