Related:

• I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
• My husband says I feed him like he's a god; every meal is a burnt offering. -- Rhonda Hansome
• Remember when "safe sex" meant your parents had gone away for the weekend? -- Rhonda Hansome
• I know what you're thinking -- `Did he fire six shots or only five?
  ' Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track myself....
• I feel just as reduced being called a system as I do being called a clock. -- Thomas, Mindwalk
• Now, I know you're probably asking yourself "Did he fire six shots, or just five?
  Well, in all this excitement, I clean forgot myself....
• Homer: So, I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool.
  Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool....
• Homer: So, I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool.
  Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool....