Related:

• Animals are your friends. But they won't pick you up at the airport.
• You know you've been hacking too long when... ...you've been low-level debugging ethernets for a week and you see two people at a table trying to pick up the same jar of butter and you directly wonder if they are using the correct CSMA/CD algorithm to avoid a re-collision.
• Homer: Phew! I'm back. [walks up stairs to kitchen where family eats breakfast] Aw, my loving family!
  Nothing's changed. [a buzzer goes off; a TV screen morphs from the floor] Ned...
• Some of you might not agree 'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery But think a while and you will see.
  .. Broken hearts are for assholes Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole?...
• Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
  -- Jerry Seinfeld, "SeinLanguage...
• One of the more difficult aspects of public speaking is waking up the audience after the person who introduced you finishes with the remarks.
• You shouldn't think about *how* we're doing this. You should ask yourself, 'why?
  ' -- Penn Jillette...
• If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle.
  So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it....