Related:

• Captain, how soon can we land?" "I can't tell." "You can tell me; I'm a doctor." -- Airplane!
• Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
  Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!...
• Doctor, doctor, I dreamt last night that I was a deck of cards.
  ' 'Sit down there, I'll deal with you soon'...
• You tell 'em Doctor, you've got the patients.
• A doctor calls his patient to give him the results of his tests.
  I have some bad news," says the doctor, "and some worse news....
• Bart: Dr. Hibbert, who was that man? Hibbert: [chuckles] Why
  Bart, telling you that would violate the patient-doctor privilege, just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live....
• You should talk to the DOCTOR.
• Selma: Thank you, doctor. Doctor: Oh, I'm not a doctor.
  -- But I play one on TV!, "Selma's Choice...
• Think of how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a bucket of apples.