Related:

• Doctor: You need glasses. Patient: How did you know?
  Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked through the window....
• A man sank into the psychiatrist's couch and said, "I have a terrible problem, Doctor.
  I have a son at Harvard and another son at Princeto...
• Patient: "Doctor, it hurts whenever I do this." Doctor: "Well, then don't DO that!
• Uh, Count, far be it from me to query this lady's competence as a doctor, but where I come from, you don't cut off a patient's head if you wish to cure their ankle.
  -- Romana, Androids of Tara...
• I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." "Did you ever see a doctor?" "No, just spots.
• Captain, how soon can we land?" "I can't tell." "You can tell me; I'm a doctor." -- Airplane!
• Bart: Dr. Hibbert, who was that man? Hibbert: [chuckles] Why
  Bart, telling you that would violate the patient-doctor privilege, just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live....
• I imagine you have orders to destroy me. Doctor, Wheel in Space
• Joey: Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK.
  I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor....