Related:

• PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune.
  The plague as we of to-day have the happiness to know it is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness....
• PRECIPITATE, adj. Anteprandial. Precipitate in all, this sinner Took action first, and then his dinner.
• PIETY, n. Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.
  The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles....
• Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• REPROBATION, n. In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned.
  The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation....
• RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul.
  A Tartar Emetic. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...