Related:

• HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
  Lo! the poor humorist, whose tortured mind See jokes in crowds, though still to gloom inclined -- Whose simple appetite, untaught to stray, His brains, renewed by night, consumes by day....
• DICTATOR, n. The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs. The first mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer's narrative of the war between them and the mice.
  Skeptical persons have doubted Homer's authorship of the work, but the learned, ingenious and industrious Dr....
• MISS, n. The title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
  Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense....
• ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe.
  Friendly warning. Consigned by way of admonition, His soul forever to perdition....
• TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details.
  Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice....
• Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...