Related:

• Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
  -- Ambrose Bierce...
• GLUTTON, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors -- to dislodge the worms.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands.
  Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution....
• HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...