Related:

• My father had the spirit and integrity of a scientist, but he was a salesman.
  I remember asking him the question "How can a man of integrity be a salesman?...
• Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
  Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent....
• If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people. -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
• If you see the man who invented the wheel, send him up
  I want to give him a piece of my mind. Meddler!" -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A....
• A retired dentist who loves to fish. "Open wide," he mutters to the unseen fish as he waits for a tug on the line.
  Now bite down. This may sting just a little bit....
• My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
• My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. -- O. Wilde
• Homer: [gasps] You mean I get five percent off on everything in the store just because I look like -- I mean, just because I _am_ Krusty the Klown?
  Apu: How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year?...
• Aw, being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly.
  Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown!...