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• Christendom is that part of the world where, if a man declare himself to be a Christian, his hearers laugh at him.
  -- H. L. Mencke...
• Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
• I'm sitting in a bar, having a drink. Over here is a man having a drink.
  He falls down three times. I pick him up each time....
• Gil-galad was an Elven-King of him the harpers sadly sing
  the last whose realm was fair and free between the Mountains and the Sea....
• His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god.
  He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam....
• Ask yourself why the New York subway system, alone among the mass transit systems of the world, has maps inside rather than outside the trains.
  It's to force you to get on the wrong train in order to find out where you're going ....
• Marge: President Bush is driving on our lawn! He must be lost.
  Homer: [threatening] He's not lost. Bart: Looks like we're experiencing some blowback from the wig offensive....
• An author owned an asterisk And kept it in his den Where he wrote tales which had large sales Of erring maids and me
  And always, when he reached the point Where carping censors lurk, He called upon the asterisk To do his dirty work!...
• After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $...