Related:

• Fire a warning shot across her nose..
• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....
• Bill Gates to his broker: "You idiot, I said $150 million on SNAPPLE!!!
• You are at a business lunch when you are suddenly overcome with an uncontrollable desire to pick your nose.
  Since this is definitely a no-no, you: (a) Pretend to wave to someone across the room and with one fluid motion, bury your forefinger in your nostril right up to the 4th joint....
• A Walking across town tonight I looked up and saw a club marquee that said, "Live Nudes.
  I thought: Good choice. -- Tommy Sledge...
• My youngest child is the funniest one of the group.
  I had just finished eating and my stomach was swollen from the food that went in it....
• Hey! You with the broken nose! Play the piano! But I don't have a broken nose &l
  S M A C K> Now shut up and play... -- Ano...
• Mischa: [to Monica] And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog.
  In seven languages. Monica: Oh. [to Phoebe] Can I have a tissue?...