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• Brad: Now, close your eyes for a moment and really listen to that inner voice inside, your inner child.
  Listen! What's he saying? Ned: [inside] Stay the course, big Ned....
• A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it. -- Katherine Whiteho
• O'Toole's Axiom: One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
• One child is not enough, but two children are far too many. -- O'Toole's Axiom
• Children, apples of my eyes, when you feel like weeping gems, go to the garbage dumps, the dead ends of the labyrinth, the oubliettes, the cemeteries, the charnal grounds.
  Find yourself a spot there and surrender to the melancholy of the place, recollect the sadness around you and the misery of the world, and wish ardently that they cease....
• You are under arrest for tagline theft!
• Edna: Seymour, the teachers are fed up. You have to start putting money back into the school.
  You've cut back on everything: salaries, supplies, the food -- [takes a bite] -- I don't care what you say, I can taste the newspaper....
• The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it.
  If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway. -- Milt Barbe...
• Why did the LDS couple stop after three children? Because they read that every fourth child born is Chinese.