Related:

• When you are down and out, all too often the thing that turns up is the noses of your former friends.
• What did you bring that book I didn't want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
• I'm sitting in a bar, having a drink. Over here is a man having a drink.
  He falls down three times. I pick him up each time....
• I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down, then I thought 'One of us is in real trouble'.
  -- Davey Allison, re: a 150MPH crash...
• You know you're in trouble when... 1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
  2) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache....
• I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car.
  I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me....
• Once there was a little nerd who loved to read your mail
  And then yank back the i-access times to get hackers off his tail, And once as he finished reading from the secretary's spool, He wrote a rude rejection to her boyfriend (how uncool!...
• It took so long but I found out, what it means to be down and out.
• Lisa: Uhh, excuse me? Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?
  Doris: Possibly the meat loaf. Lisa: Well, I believe you're required to provide a vegetarian alternative....