Related:

• This guy runs into his house and yells to his wife, "Kathy, pack up your bags!
  I just won the California lottery!" "Honey!", Kathy exclaims, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?...
• A newly married man comes home to find his wife in tears.
  He asks what caused the tears and she tells him. "The dog ate our dinner!...
• QOTD: "It's hard to tell whether he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether.
• QOTD: Silence is the only virtue he has left.
• I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here, Stay, here.
  .." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing....
• Ward has no heart, they say, but I deny it: He has a heart, and gets his speeches by it.
  -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855) -- Epigram...
• Lenny: See, all along I've been telling Carl I'm married to a beauty queen.
  Now, he's coming over for dinner. Marge: Oh, Lenny, I'm sure he'll like your wife no matter what she looks like....
• QOTD: "I haven't come far enough, and don't call me baby.