Related:

• A farmer decides that his three sows should be bred, and contacts a buddy down the road, who owns several boars.
  They agree on a stud fee, and the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and takes them down the road to the boars....
• QOTD: "I won't say he's untruthful, but his wife has to call the dog for dinner.
• An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed).
  When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage....
• Willy: Yeah, I bought your mutt. And I 'ate him!
  [raises a huge bone of meat] [Bart gasps] [tears meat off the bone] I 'ate his little face, I 'ate his guts, and I 'ate the way he's always barkin'!...
• George's friend Sam had a dog who could recite the Gettysburg Address.
  Let me buy him from you," pleaded George after a demonstration....
• Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.
  So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can go out there and find your dog....
• Lenny: See, all along I've been telling Carl I'm married to a beauty queen.
  Now, he's coming over for dinner. Marge: Oh, Lenny, I'm sure he'll like your wife no matter what she looks like....
• What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God".
  "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God....
• What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God.
  "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears....