Related:

• My mother," said the sweet young steno, "says there are some things a girl should not do before twenty.
  "Your mother is right," said the executive, "I don't like a large audience, either....
• An optimist is someone who believes that the secret of eternal life will be discovered before they die.
  A pessimist is someone who believes it will be discovered before Greg Evans does....
• Marge: All right, who broke my vase? Lisa: Who took all my test papers off the refrigerator and tore them up?
  Homer: Who spread garbage all over Flanders' yard before I got a chance to?...
• The man who believes he can do it is probably right. -- Helvetiu
• alk mode n. A feature supported by Unix, ITS, and some other OSes that allows two or more logged-in users to set up a real-time on-line conversation.
  It combines the immediacy of talking with all the precision (and verbosity) that written language entails....
• I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
• I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning. -- Plato
• Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper.
  "Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make before I go....
• Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
  One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin....