Related:

• I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I GUESS OF ALL MY UNCLES, I liked Uncle Caveman the best.
  We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us....
• MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me.
  I remember we'd all get into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and drive and drive....
• IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.
  There's got to be a better way. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect.
  I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect....
• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Jack Handey...
• WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.
  -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....