Related:

• Andrea's Admonition: Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
  If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you, it isn't and he can....
• May you never hear a word of gossip, slander, profanity, or blasphemy.
• Bunker's Admonition: You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
• Wizards are constantly subject to negative publicity.
  A case in point. One elderly wizard of my acquaintance, whenever he was bothered by unexpected guests, would immediately cast one of three spells upon them, either turning them to stone, transforming them into segmented worms, or blasting them entirely out of the kingdom....
• You can call him an outdoor boy if he has the bloom of youth on his cheeks and the cheeks of youth in his bloomers.
• You can never trust a man; he may be true to you.
• A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think he's the only one who can save the ship.
  -- Ivern Ball, "Modern Secretary...
• Homer: You're home safe. Done my duty. See you the next time we need your signature.
  Abe: Aw, you never want to spend any time with me....
• Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears.
  I think George is weird, because he has false teeth....