Related:

• Marge: Ruth, is there something you want to tell me?
  Ruth: Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support?...
• You know you are getting older when the only thing you really want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.
• Homer: Welcome to the Simpson residence or "casa de Simpson," as I call it.
  Grimes: Yeah, what did you want to see me about, Simpson?...
• Phoebe: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
  Mr. Adelman: You're saying, my wife is in you? Phoebe...
• When I went in to buy the fur coat, the salesman told me, "You never in your life saw a coat this luxurious, this fine.
  And he takes the coat and throws it on the floor ....
• You know you're in trouble when... 1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
  2) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache....
• That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in a bar.
  "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley....
• Norm: Gentlemen, start your taps. -- Cheers, The Coach's Daughter Coach
  How's life treating you, Norm? Norm: Like it caught me in bed with his wife....
• I was hitting some horrible shots one time. It wasn't unusual for me.
  I turned to the old guy who was caddying for me, and I said, "I suppose you've seen worse golfers in your time....