Related:

• My teacher told me that today was the first day of the rest of my life.
  That explains why I didn't do yesterday's homework. -- Lorne Ellio...
• When Grandpa is told his flag only has 49 stars, he snaps, "It will be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missour-ah!
  When Missouri first wanted to enter the Union as a slave state, abolitionists at the time flatly refused to recognize Missouri as a state....
• A man enters a pet shop, seeking to purchase a parrot.
  He points to a fine colorful bird and asks how much it costs....
• One day an elderly Jewish Pole, living in Warsaw, finds an old lamp in his attic.
  He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in cloud of smoke....
• Lisa: I was in the library at the time, but Janey told me that Principal Skinner and Bart's teacher, Mrs.
  what's her name? Marge: Krabappel?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed).
  When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage....
• In the days when Sussman was a novice Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
  What are you doing?", asked Minsky. "I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe....
• In the days when Sussman was a novice Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
  What are you doing?", asked Minsky. "I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe....