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• My only books Were woman's looks,-- And folly 's all they 've taught me.
  -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852) -- The Time I 've lost in wooing...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• My analyst told me that I was right out of my head, But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead.
  Because I have got a thing that is unique and new, To prove it I'll have the last laugh on you....
• When I 'm not thank'd at all, I 'm thank'd enough; I 've done my duty, and I 've done no more.
  -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754) -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3...
• A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth.
  Afterwards, the doctor came to her and said, "I have some....
• One morning, four years ago, something happened that I will never forget.
  I woke up, and I looked at myself in the mirror, because I happened to wake up in the bathroom, and I said to myself, "Dave, you have a wonderful wife, you have a newborn son, you have a good job, you have friends who care about you, you have a lawn mower that starts on the second or third pull--you have everything a man could possibly want, and a whole lifetime ahead of you to enjoy it in....
• All I need to have a good time, Is a reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine.
  With those three things I don't need no sunshine, A reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine....
• I(ve) B(een) M(islead)