Related:

• HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain -- the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another.
  This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A....
• NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CONSUL, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure and office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PRELATE, n. A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment.
  One of Heaven's aristocracy. A gentleman of God. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood.
  The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one....