Related:

• The young Georgia miss came to the hospital for a checkup.
  "Have you been X-rayed?" asked the doctor. "Nope," she said, "but ah've been ultraviolated....
• Ralph: ... and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
  Mrs. Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic....
• and my doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose-bleeds if I kept my finger out of there.
  -- Thank you Ralph, very graphic, "I Love Lisa...
• Chang: "And you have a singular wit, Doctor." -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
• I imagine you have orders to destroy me. Doctor, Wheel in Space
• The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received.
  When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live....
• Never believe what a patient tells you his doctor said. -- Sir William Jenne
• A German soldier in Paris, 1940. He takes the first girl he sees to a hotel room, has his way with her, and says arrogantly, "In nine months, you'll have a baby.
  Call him Adolf." She replies sweetly, "In two weeks you'll have a rash....
• A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
  In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat....