Related:

• A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the longest procession he's ever seen.
  It seems to consist of the hearse, followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred other men....
• Bart: Milhouse...do you ever worry that your mom might stop loving you?
  Milhouse: What? I'm more worried about pirhanas. Did you see that movie where they send a nuclear submarine to fight the pirhanas, and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye, and he goes, "Aah!...
• Be careful what you pretend to be - you just might become it.
• I figure that the best way to figure what the IRS will figure is to get them to figure what you are figuring that they will figure that you are not really figuring what you want them to figure that you figure.
  If you figure all of this out sufficiently, you have got to figure that they can't figure you out in the first place....
• The realization that someone is quite unlikely to accept what you freely offer to them is one of the greater impulses to really large charity.
• Announcer: We now return to the 1971 film, "Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out", starring Troy McClure.
  [a multicolored VW bug is chased by police] Ma...
• What ever happened to happily ever after?
• What do you expect from a hog, but a grunt?
• A child is a person who will try mightily to live up to whatever expectations you have of them, when you tell them what you expect.