Related:

• A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• As a kid, I used to have a lemonade stand. The sign said, "All you can drink for a dime.
  So some kid would come up, plunk down the dime, drink a glass, and then say, "Refill it....
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
• QOTD: "I used to jog, but the ice kept bouncing out of my glass.
• I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor.
  The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" -- Emo Phillip...
• I was walking down the street, something caught my eye.
  ..and dragged it fifteen feet. -- Emo Phillip...