Related:

• You know it's a bad day when your team gets whipped by The Whalers!
• Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards.
  I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards.
  I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wrigh...
• Note: Chocolate syrup is good on ice cream, too.
• Well, ladies, I've got some good news and some bad news.
  The good news is that your dates are here." "What's the bad news?...
• If the truth offends -- too bad.
• Happiness is seeing the Whalers on a milk carton.
• Wallace Swine now has an orchestra in his restaurant, but the music is so bad that last night a waiter dropped a tray of dishes and everybody got up and started to dance.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...