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• Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
  --Frank Leahy, Notre Dame football coach Look magazine January 10, 1955...
• An atheist is a guy who watches a Notre Dame-SMU football game and doesn't care who wins.
  -- Dwight D. Eisenhowe...
• Mommy Mommy, there's a strange man in my head!
• Incest is a voluntary act on the woman's part.
• Ralph: Can you open my milk, mommy? Hoover: I'm not mommy, Ralph.
  I'm Miss Hoover. -- "Lisa the Iconocla...
• Bless my Mommy, Daddy, Kitty, Bob Dole and Rush Limbaugh.
• Homer's brain: This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the horrible secret from your past.
  Homer: Marge I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom....
• The fellow sat down at a bar, ordered a drink and asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a dumb-jock joke.
  "Hey, buddy," the bartender replied, "you see those two guys next to you?...
• Bart: Okay, Lis. Turn on the water works, babe. Lisa
  [crying] Mommy! I want my mommy! [sob sob] -- How to get to the front of the line for a ride at Mt....