Related:

• My father is credit manager at a funeral home. His bosses have a card that they hand out.
  It says Thank You for Smoking -- Your local undertaker....
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the Suicide Hotline!
  At the tone, your telephone handset will disintegrate, sending jagged shrapnel straight through your brain, killing you instantaneously....
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the [insert city name here] Opera Auditioning Hotline!
  At the tone, sing one of your favorite pieces, and leave a short message containing your name and phone number....
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the United States War Department.
  At the tone, please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message with the name of the country you wish to invade....
• Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line.
  Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear?...
• Thank you for not mooning your host.
• This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria.
  It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here....
• Homer: Oh, I give up. Coyote: [voiceover] Find your soulmate, Homer.
  Find your soulmate. Homer: Where? Where? Coyote...
• To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.
  Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill....