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• Brought to you by the Mother of all Messages.
• Your messages have the subtlety of a rectal thermometer.
• PREDICTION: You are reading messages right now.
• You have 938475827394577721747834759 new mail messages.
• Announcer: In the opening credits, what does the cash register say when Maggie is scanned?
  The cash register says, "NRA4EVER", just one of the hundreds of radical right-wing messages inserted into every show by creator Matt Groening....
• Hi! You have reached 962-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible.
  Please leave your name and message after the beep......
• This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read.
  So please use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation, and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it....
• Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier.
  (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine....
• There are new messages.