Related:

• If it doesn't have recursive function calls, Real Software Engineers don't program in it.
• Real software engineers write in languages that have not actually been implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in BNF) is available.
  This keeps them from having to take any machine dependencies into account....
• Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and Spartan purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in.
  They don't tell this to their friends, because they are afraid it means that they are somehow Unworthy....
• Real computer scientists don't program in assembler.
  They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil....
• Real software engineers play tennis. In general, they don't like any sport that involves getting hot and sweaty and gross when out of range of a shower.
  (Thus mountain climbing is Right Out.) They will occasionally wear their tennis togs to work, but only on very sunny days....
• Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to.