Related:

• Then there's the atmosphere -- half the time you can eat the air, it's got so much stuff floating around in it.
  It takes the edge out of the colors. Down here even the traffic lights are pastel....
• How many WordPerfect support technicians -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine....
• To help you discover why there are so many antique shops, ask yourself just how much stuff and junk you have misplaced in the last three months.
  It had to go someplace......
• Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?
  She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual....
• Lisa: Are you Rory B. Bellows? Rory: Yes. Bart: How about Krusty the Klown?
  Rory: Sorry, I don't do impressions. Bart: Well, if you're not Krusty, how come you have the exact same signature as him?...
• Otto: OK, little dudes, time's up. Everybody out! [kids groan, leave, except for Bart and Lisa] Lisa
  Time's up? Bart: So long, Lis. I'm going to stow away under water and go where the pool goes....
• Grampa: All right, son, I'll sell this dump and write you a check.
  Homer: Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us....
• One of the mysteries of science is how a child can leave so very much dirt in the washbasin and still have some left to put on the towel.
• Principal Skinner: Here's a whole box of unsealed envelopes for the PTA!
  Bart: You're making me lick envelopes? P.S.: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun!...