Related:

• Nurse Donna: Oh, Groucho, I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up an old maid.
  Groucho: Well, bring her in and we'll wind her up together....
• G M: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children? S
  Yes, thirteen. G M: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?...
• On the old "You Bet Your Life" program, Groucho Marx was getting to know one of his contestants.
  The man told Groucho that he had 10 children. "Why so many children?...
• Nurse: [answers phone] Simpson. Grampa: Hot diggity!
  I don't care if it's bad news! Lisa: Oh, Grampa!...
• Dick: Well, my time's almost up here, so, uh, I'd just like to say.
  ..I know Woody Allen. [a couple of people clap halfheartedly] Home...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
• If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)